Thursday, 22 September 2022

Dare to fight!

We hear from our family, friends, society, TV channels, and even from great authors or anonymous content makers on social media, to dream and dare to dream. But more than dreaming, my life taught me that the fight to achieve those dreams requires even more courage. The fight with circumstances, with our own inhibitions, and sometimes with the same people who asked to dream once but now think it’s too bold to fit in the standards of social acceptability, that fight is huge, relentless, and tiresome and most of the time difficult to win.


2 years ago, I was sitting in my room wondering where life has led me to. I was stuck in a job I didn’t like, in a relationship with a man who didn’t like me, and with admission for a course in a US university, I did not choose nor had the interest to pursue. I used to think I am not good at anything, be it my job, be it my looks, I didn’t even feel I am a fun person to be with. No reassurances from my closest friends helped. But I wanted to change that, I wanted to change my life for good. I faced so many hurdles along the way and the very first being my deteriorating mental and physical health. Each day was a struggle, to get up and do the simplest thing such as answering a call or even putting up lipstick. I sought help from a therapist and started taking care of myself. I decided to pursue my ambition of getting an MBA from a US university and had no idea how to get that kind of money, how to start, and whom to approach. So I reached out to everyone and anyone who might have an idea. I felt disheartened when one of the banks declined my loan application but kept trying with other alternatives. COVID made things look even more impossible, with travel restrictions and visa appointment unavailability. And when I finally got past this and was about to leave in a week, my mom, who is my only family, fell sick. She told me to hop on to that plan no matter what, and I did!


Even after coming to the US, the challenges didn’t stop especially with finding an internship, a part-time, keeping up the grades, and more importantly keeping up the confidence. I took one day at a time. I might have skipped a few nights of sleep or dinner but today, after years of stagnancy I am on the path to achieving my dream of an MBA degree and I have a job I am totally looking forward to joining. I wouldn’t have believed I could achieve this a few years ago. But this journey has taught me the miracles of hard work. I am not talented or gifted but I work hard to learn the things I don’t know. I am not chasing money, or a position, I am chasing good work - work that changes lives, that inspires you to do more, the one that you don’t need a vacation from. And it's this same hard work that made me realize, that more than being called a successful person or a failure who worked her way through, I want to be known as a fighter. 


Let’s stop categorizing people as successful or failures but let’s define a third type - fighters. Because according to them everything in life is worth fighting for. So dare, but dare to fight - for your dreams, for everything you believe in, and build the life you will be proud of! Because if I can do it, you can too !!


Friday, 5 August 2022

Rise


This poem is for all women who are fighting each day to make a living or to make their dreams come true. Don't give up!


Rise up lady,

For you have just begun,

Fighting wars ,

And winning them one by one.


The wounds are battle scars,

Wear them with pride,

On this path, 

Run if you want,

And fall as you might,

But don't let anything slow your stride.


Let some things hurt,

Let some go

You have come this far,

And far you may go.


Crossing many bridges,

And facing demons in every form

You are the fire darling,

You are the storm.

Thursday, 7 July 2022

The sweetest box of sweets

My Baba was a grade B government officer and a very principled one at that. He used to love his work, so much that Aai had to fight with him to make him apply for a Diwali leave. On every 15th August, he used to wake up at 5 am in the morning, have a bath, wear his neatly pressed khaki uniform and go to his office for flag hoisting. I still feel he used to look the best that day!

I used to wake up with groggy eyes and messy hair just about the same time that day, look at him and Aai rushing early in the morning. Aai used try her best not to loose her patience over dressing me up on time so that I don't miss my school bus at 6 am Well yes, mine was a very patriotic, disciplined family of 3 people who woke up at 5 AM. The Independence day ceremony at my school has been pretty much like every school, march past followed by national anthem, a speech, some performances and standard snacks of frooti and potato chips and a slice of chocolate cake. I am back by 10 AM by school bus, excited and running towards my home not because its a half day, but because there is a box of sweets kept on the table just for me. Baba used to get that every year in his office and he would bring it home without eating a single sweet , saving it up for me. We were doing pretty well for ourselves, enough that he could buy much better sweets for me whenever I asked for. But that box was not sweets, it was a ritual, it was his way of showing love to his little girl and it continued till the time he retired. 

For me , that is one of my favorite childhood memories, one of my happiest moments as a kid. I guess thats why it was the sweetest box of sweets, because isn't happiness all about these little things we do for each other?

So, what's your box of sweets?




Friday, 22 April 2022

Today, I am thankful!

 It’s 8:30 in the morning, as I sip hot chai sitting on the sofa of an apartment I share with 4 other people who were once unknown to me. The morning sun rays are adding up to the warmth and smile on my face making me think, how beautiful this morning is. And maybe today is one of those days when I feel like counting my blessings. 

I felt proud of myself, of the journey I made, of the hurdles I crossed and the decisions I took, and about where I stand today. From 7 years of working in a company where I felt stuck; doing the kind of work which felt more of an obligation, to almost getting married to the person who never respected me and now to building a career that I always wanted, I have come a long way. I am a responsible daughter, an eager student, a dedicated professional, and a trustworthy friend. And none of this would have been possible if I had not come across that day when I had hit the rock bottom. After walking aimlessly for hours on the streets I sat on a bench, tired, thinking this is the story of my life, of abandonment, sadness, and hurt. This is how it ends until it doesn’t. I was not ready to accept a life like that and I said to myself, I should do better than this. I will not be defined by the hurt and suffering I am going through and what happened to me but by what I chose to do about it. And that day, I started working on my dreams. It hasn’t been easy and maybe it was not meant to be, but it has taught me a lot. I realized that the moment you decide to change your life is the moment you become open to new experiences, to new people, and to new relationships with yourself and others. 

My relationship with my mother has changed a lot and she has become a friend to me once again. I have met some amazing friends who cook with me on weekends and talk about their journeys, I have learned to play pool and have been experimenting with my wardrobe. I love going out and I am really looking forward to visiting Seattle this summer as I start my internship. And I am so happy that I am no longer running away but running towards something.


Here’s to a life that is full of new challenges, new people, and new places, to a life that I built for myself!


Sunday, 27 February 2022

Something is lost...

Something is lost,

A piece of my heart in the laughter of yours ,
Moments in my life,
spent talking to you for hours,

A friendship with the confession of love,
The peace I lost in the search of some...

A good night's sleep as I think of you,
A beautiful dawn spent crying over you

A part of you as you look for her
A part of me as I search for you...





Wednesday, 19 January 2022

Happily Single at 30

My childhood memories are filled with reading stories of Thumbelina, Cinderella and Rapunzel, basically all those stories where a 19 year old damsel is rescued by a tall and handsome Prince Charming for a happily ever after. Though I was sane enough not to rely my future on an imaginary guy to make me happy and I was nerd enough to actually compete with all the guys I came across (academically of course) , I always was pretty much focused on my studies. Because let’s face it , I am a princess only to my parents and life isn’t a fairytale.

The plan was set, Bachelor’s in Computer Science Engineering, two years of experience in IT firm and then MBA by the age of 25. I wanted to wear a suit and manage people from my glass-doored corner office. So meeting a guy and falling for him was never in the picture until it was.

I started working and I met someone who made me forget what I came here for. My focus shifted and I suddenly wanted dates with roses and chocolates and I realized that I am a hopeless romantic. I wanted someone to give me a comforting smile, a shoulder to cry on and a warm bear hug when I am overwhelmed. Someone who is just mine. Most of my 20s , I was always searching for that one person to make me happy, to rescue me from my life problems, to understand me, to make me feel confident about myself, to sing to me.

It took me one broken engagement, two heartbreaks and many months of soul searching to understand that I don’t need someone to make me happy. As clichè as it sounds, I feel this was one of the most empowering and freeing experiences of my life. In next 5 months, I will turn 30 and I am absolutely loving that. My age, my weirdness, my hair, every single mistake, every little achievement I made, I am loving all of it. I am single by choice and I dress up for myself , sing and dance when I feel like and most importantly I am chasing my dreams rather than a man. I now solve my own problems and take myself to dates to celebrate my wins and its the happiest I have ever been. Today when I get up and make my tea and get ready for my classes , there is no different place I would rather be , and no-one else I would want to be with. Well at least till I find that glass-doored cornered office rather than glass heels!

So, I guess the princess saved herself in this one!