Today, I am thankful!

 It’s 8:30 in the morning, as I sip hot chai sitting on the sofa of an apartment I share with 4 other people who were once unknown to me. The morning sun rays are adding up to the warmth and smile on my face making me think, how beautiful this morning is. And maybe today is one of those days when I feel like counting my blessings. 

I felt proud of myself, of the journey I made, of the hurdles I crossed and the decisions I took, and about where I stand today. From 7 years of working in a company where I felt stuck; doing the kind of work which felt more of an obligation, to almost getting married to the person who never respected me and now to building a career that I always wanted, I have come a long way. I am a responsible daughter, an eager student, a dedicated professional, and a trustworthy friend. And none of this would have been possible if I had not come across that day when I had hit the rock bottom. After walking aimlessly for hours on the streets I sat on a bench, tired, thinking this is the story of my life, of abandonment, sadness, and hurt. This is how it ends until it doesn’t. I was not ready to accept a life like that and I said to myself, I should do better than this. I will not be defined by the hurt and suffering I am going through and what happened to me but by what I chose to do about it. And that day, I started working on my dreams. It hasn’t been easy and maybe it was not meant to be, but it has taught me a lot. I realized that the moment you decide to change your life is the moment you become open to new experiences, to new people, and to new relationships with yourself and others. 

My relationship with my mother has changed a lot and she has become a friend to me once again. I have met some amazing friends who cook with me on weekends and talk about their journeys, I have learned to play pool and have been experimenting with my wardrobe. I love going out and I am really looking forward to visiting Seattle this summer as I start my internship. And I am so happy that I am no longer running away but running towards something.

Here’s to a life that is full of new challenges, new people, and new places, to a life that I built for myself!

Happily Single at 30

My childhood memories are filled with reading stories of Thumbelina, Cinderella and Rapunzel, basically all those stories where a 19 year old damsel is rescued by a tall and handsome Prince Charming for a happily ever after. Though I was sane enough not to rely my future on an imaginary guy to make me happy and I was nerd enough to actually compete with all the guys I came across (academically of course) , I always was pretty much focused on my studies. Because let’s face it , I am a princess only to my parents and life isn’t a fairytale.

The plan was set, Bachelor’s in Computer Science Engineering, two years of experience in IT firm and then MBA by the age of 25. I wanted to wear a suit and manage people from my glass-doored corner office. So meeting a guy and falling for him was never in the picture until it was.

I started working and I met someone who made me forget what I came here for. My focus shifted and I suddenly wanted dates with roses and chocolates and I realized that I am a hopeless romantic. I wanted someone to give me a comforting smile, a shoulder to cry on and a warm bear hug when I am overwhelmed. Someone who is just mine. Most of my 20s , I was always searching for that one person to make me happy, to rescue me from my life problems, to understand me, to make me feel confident about myself, to sing to me.

It took me one broken engagement, two heartbreaks and many months of soul searching to understand that I don’t need someone to make me happy. As clichè as it sounds, I feel this was one of the most empowering and freeing experiences of my life. In next 5 months, I will turn 30 and I am absolutely loving that. My age, my weirdness, my hair, every single mistake, every little achievement I made, I am loving all of it. I am single by choice and I dress up for myself , sing and dance when I feel like and most importantly I am chasing my dreams rather than a man. I now solve my own problems and take myself to dates to celebrate my wins and its the happiest I have ever been. Today when I get up and make my tea and get ready for my classes , there is no different place I would rather be , and no-one else I would want to be with. Well at least till I find that glass-doored cornered office rather than glass heels!

So, I guess the princess saved herself in this one!

Free from you

I gave too much, 

That I forgot to receive.

But I am changing that now, 

Because in myself I believe.

I once wanted someone to hold my hands, 

Now I walk alone happy on deserted lands.

I gave up on my dreams,

Just to be with you.

But now I chase them again, 

As I begin new.

I am not a glass to break, 

And not to be mend again.

I was lost then,

Only to be found again.